One of my lovely friends inspired me to write a piece about my momma. Perfect timing with Mother's Day on Sunday. As most of you know I have always been fiercely close to my mom. There was a short stint in middle school/high school, where I became disillusioned of how wonderful my momma was, but come my first semester of college and I just knew I was a lucky one.
My mom has taught me many things in my life. And now that I'm a mother myself, I am starting to relay those lessons to my girls.
1) When you're worried...pray. My mom did a great job of always keeping us involved at church. My parents picked a small, simple church in Westlake to attend, purely because they had a children's sermon and they loved the pastors taking the time to relate the lesson of the day to the kids. My mom's faith and walk with God grew over the years and there became a point when she was completely enraptured by His word. When I'd call and complain about various issues, she'd say, "Lauren you need to pray about it." Sometimes this would frustrate me, but of course, momma is always right. Her walk inspired me to enrich my walk. And now I will pass this on to my girls in their walks.
2) Celebrate. I always loved how my mom had such a zest for life. She wanted to celebrate everything. Every holiday had it's decorative pieces adorned in her home. We'd whip up a fun menu...always starting with a cocktail and never leaving a detail unnoticed. This helped me become the aspiring cook that I am and just learning to appreciate and celebrate life.
3) Orange. My mom loves orange. Her lips are always lathered with bright orange lipstick as well as her nails, the same color polish. I grew up fascinated by her wardrobe, always decorated in bright color. I loved that. Her smile would flash a bright sunny smile and my heart felt content. I developed my own sense of fashion learning from my mom, I chose bright colors and bold designs rather than black or beige. This also taught me how important it is to invest in yourself and what makes you feel good.
4) Work hard. My mom and I are different in a lot of ways...she raised a very strong, vocal, daughter. But one quality we both have instilled in us is the ability to work hard. My mom is one of the hardest workers I know, she is always up on time, paints on her exterior and is at work early, does exactly what she needs to do, usually stays late and is always accommodating her clients. And she has no easy job, on her feet all day long, loyally listening to each client's story and as genuine as can be back. She always shows up, rarely (like maybe once ever) called in sick...she's a doer. And there's so much to admire from that. I will always teach my girls the importance of hard work and earning your way in the world.
5) Momma Bear. My mom had some tough times as a mother. But she never ever let it phase her as a mom to my brother and I. She slapped on her smile and busied us with crafts, trips, meals, and special moments with her. She made the most ordinary of days extraordinary. When my parents were in the brunt of their divorce, I never once saw my mom break down. I never saw her falter. Now I know on the inside she was shattered, but she always remained strong for Chase and I. I am in awe of her ability to be so strong. Marriage isn't easy for anyone, and being able to always put Chase and I first will be something I'll always be thankful for from my mom in my childhood. A distinct memory I have is my mom playing the cd, My Name is Barbara by Barbara Streisand or The BodyGuard Soundtrack with Whitney Houston...she would turn the music up and belt out the lyrics, I soon followed suit. Now when we play either cd together we sing as tears stream down our faces. My mom is sentimental about a lot, and I love that. I started these mother/daughter traditions with Halen and they're preciously priceless.
6) Travel. Mom always taught me the importance of appreciating new places and getting enveloped in new cultures. Since my mom was from Michigan,
we'd go there often. It was an entirely new place than Texas. And it has the most special place in my heart now. {One reason our second daughter's middle name is Charlevoix....from our love of Michigan.} But we'd venture all over, my mom taught us how to camp, be outdoorsy, to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and get stuff done. My brother and I love nature because of my mom exposing us and teaching us about it. Whether we went to New Hampshire, Canada, Colorado, Maine, Port Aransas, New York City...mom would teach us how to get our hands dirty and have fun the non-tourist way. I distinctly remember a time we went camping in Acadia Park in Canada, it was cold and pouring rain. I woke up in the tent with water surrounding my pillow. I heard happy humming right outside our tent. I peer outside, and there's my mom drinking her coffee, humming away, making pancakes under the tarp as it rains overhead. She always makes the best of any situation. And I cherish that.
7) Sacrifice & Selflessness. My mom has always shown me the epitome of motherhood...sacrifice & selflessness. From my constant natural neediness as a baby, to just needing her hugs as a toddler, needing the perfect skirt, needing the wrinkles out of my leggings before horse-riding lessons, needing those shoes, needing the homework I accidentally forgot at home, needing my athletic uniform washed right now, needing to go to that concert, needing that necklace, and then as my self-righteous, demanding, naive brain started realizing what life was really about I was back to just needing my mom. Needing her presence, I was honored just to spend time with her. She's always the first person I want to call, first person I want to tell, first person I want an opinion from, the one who always makes me feel better no matter what. The one that knows what I need more than I do sometimes. Her sacrifice and selflessness are even more important to me now that I'm a mom. Being a mother is no easy task, and to do it wholly, unconditionally, full of love all the time, always putting your kids first (healthfully of course), is inspiring and has shown me how I need to be as a mom. Yes there are nights when I feel like I'm moments from unraveling, but I stare into my daughter's eyes and my angst melts away...she makes every moment worth it. Every sacrifice. Every moment I put her ahead of myself. And I gained that from my momma, who was that way for me.
My mom is one of my absolute favorite people in the world. I am honored to be her daughter, and now best friend. I feel so lucky that she was paired with me in this life.
I love you momma.
Love, Lauren Pie
Friday, May 6, 2016
Thursday, May 5, 2016
On the road again...back to our village.
When I was growing up I would do just about anything to convince people I wasn't a Texan. {I know I know...calm down Lone Star staters} My parents...my whole family was from Michigan, so to me I wasn't truly a Texan. My childhood was spent in Colorado or Michigan, skiing, hiking, camping, swimming in Lake Michigan and climbing the Sleeping Bear Dunes. Texas just filled in the gaps.
When I graduated college I immediately flew to New York City to live. I wanted out of the big state, I needed new scenery. I was there for a year and became homesick, or maybe I should say people-sick. I love the North, but had no one to share it with. So I moved home. Luckily I met my handsome hubby six months later. We moved to Dallas seven months into our relationship. We realized after three years how much the Dallas area was not our cup of tea. We missed our village in Austin, but there were no jobs. So we took a leap of faith and moved to Colorado. To me it was a pretty easy transition since I grew up going to Colorado often. And we had family there. Evan was born in Colorado and a die hard Broncos fan, so he was all in.
Again after a year away, we started to get people-sick. Don't get me wrong, we took full advantage of the centennial state. Camping, hiking, skiing, beer tasting. But something was missing. We decided to move back to Austin, we were ready to start a family and wanted that with our village nearby.
We found a beautiful home that was perfect to start a family. We brought our baby girl, Halen, home and were over the moon excited. I'm sure my husband has a different take. He found a dream career in Denver that he desperately missed. But this is my side of the story.
My husband started to get antsy, and that dream career surfaced again. They asked him to come back. Being a teacher family, we didn't think we had many options career wise to grow our family and provide financially. So...we moved back to Colorado.
Again, we took full advantage of the gorgeous state, went camping with our 12 month old, hiked, drank many many a beer and loved the weather. We were excited about all the different seasons, as the year moved forward. But our hearts still weren't completely whole. We didn't love our house like we loved our house in Austin. After visiting for Christmas and again for Spring Break, we missed our village.
As my pregnancy with Henley progressed, I started to realize how challenging this next year was going to be. I couldn't bear to face that without my village. We used to say that we wanted to be in Colorado for a better "quality of life"... But now as a mom of two, that term has a whole new meaning. Quality of life is about people, about relationships, about raising our girls around our village.
Evan accepted a job at Hill Country Christian School in Austin. They luckily offered him a competitive salary that we could leave Valor for. We can move back into our beloved Anderson Mill home and we can renovate this home to be exactly what we want. A home we've personalized and truly love. We can visualize our girls growing up in their rooms, running downstairs for Christmas morning, throwing on swimsuits to go play on the lake. For everyday relationships with their grandparents, family friends and friends all around Austin.
After spending so much time trying not to accept that I am a Texan. As a 31 year old mom, I am fully embracing my Texas roots. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl. I've loved and appreciated
country music more when I haven't lived in Texas because I missed my home so much. I want my rolling hills back, I want the bluebonnets, I want the breakfast tacos, the Southern charm and immediate generosity, I want my corner lot house with Oak trees back, I want my darling neighbors back, I want my lakes back, I want the smell of sunscreen because I'm always in my swimsuit back, and most of all...I want the Curbys, the Davies, my best friend Dana, my friend Traci and Nikki, I want my comfort, I want my brother and my nephews back, I want Michigan football at my daddy's house back, I want my momma back...Sunday morning brunch at her house, random dinners, having her live 5 minutes away. I want my Austin, Texas life back. And I know it's the very best thing in the whole world for my girls.
They say the best decisions to make are the hardest. And that is most definitely true. We will always love Colorado. Evan was born here, Henley will be born here. We have precious family here. But, we realized we can enjoy all that Colorado has to offer without living here. We will be back Colorado. Thank you for all the memories. Thank you for the opportunity to stay home with my girls and for me to create a whole new career for myself where I put my girls first. We're forever grateful for all the great relationships we've made, the life changes we've been allowed to make and the growth as a family that we've been able to make. We'll always have Colorado in our hearts.
Go Broncos!
When I graduated college I immediately flew to New York City to live. I wanted out of the big state, I needed new scenery. I was there for a year and became homesick, or maybe I should say people-sick. I love the North, but had no one to share it with. So I moved home. Luckily I met my handsome hubby six months later. We moved to Dallas seven months into our relationship. We realized after three years how much the Dallas area was not our cup of tea. We missed our village in Austin, but there were no jobs. So we took a leap of faith and moved to Colorado. To me it was a pretty easy transition since I grew up going to Colorado often. And we had family there. Evan was born in Colorado and a die hard Broncos fan, so he was all in.
Again after a year away, we started to get people-sick. Don't get me wrong, we took full advantage of the centennial state. Camping, hiking, skiing, beer tasting. But something was missing. We decided to move back to Austin, we were ready to start a family and wanted that with our village nearby.
We found a beautiful home that was perfect to start a family. We brought our baby girl, Halen, home and were over the moon excited. I'm sure my husband has a different take. He found a dream career in Denver that he desperately missed. But this is my side of the story.
My husband started to get antsy, and that dream career surfaced again. They asked him to come back. Being a teacher family, we didn't think we had many options career wise to grow our family and provide financially. So...we moved back to Colorado.
Again, we took full advantage of the gorgeous state, went camping with our 12 month old, hiked, drank many many a beer and loved the weather. We were excited about all the different seasons, as the year moved forward. But our hearts still weren't completely whole. We didn't love our house like we loved our house in Austin. After visiting for Christmas and again for Spring Break, we missed our village.
As my pregnancy with Henley progressed, I started to realize how challenging this next year was going to be. I couldn't bear to face that without my village. We used to say that we wanted to be in Colorado for a better "quality of life"... But now as a mom of two, that term has a whole new meaning. Quality of life is about people, about relationships, about raising our girls around our village.
Evan accepted a job at Hill Country Christian School in Austin. They luckily offered him a competitive salary that we could leave Valor for. We can move back into our beloved Anderson Mill home and we can renovate this home to be exactly what we want. A home we've personalized and truly love. We can visualize our girls growing up in their rooms, running downstairs for Christmas morning, throwing on swimsuits to go play on the lake. For everyday relationships with their grandparents, family friends and friends all around Austin.
After spending so much time trying not to accept that I am a Texan. As a 31 year old mom, I am fully embracing my Texas roots. You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take Texas out of the girl. I've loved and appreciated
country music more when I haven't lived in Texas because I missed my home so much. I want my rolling hills back, I want the bluebonnets, I want the breakfast tacos, the Southern charm and immediate generosity, I want my corner lot house with Oak trees back, I want my darling neighbors back, I want my lakes back, I want the smell of sunscreen because I'm always in my swimsuit back, and most of all...I want the Curbys, the Davies, my best friend Dana, my friend Traci and Nikki, I want my comfort, I want my brother and my nephews back, I want Michigan football at my daddy's house back, I want my momma back...Sunday morning brunch at her house, random dinners, having her live 5 minutes away. I want my Austin, Texas life back. And I know it's the very best thing in the whole world for my girls.
They say the best decisions to make are the hardest. And that is most definitely true. We will always love Colorado. Evan was born here, Henley will be born here. We have precious family here. But, we realized we can enjoy all that Colorado has to offer without living here. We will be back Colorado. Thank you for all the memories. Thank you for the opportunity to stay home with my girls and for me to create a whole new career for myself where I put my girls first. We're forever grateful for all the great relationships we've made, the life changes we've been allowed to make and the growth as a family that we've been able to make. We'll always have Colorado in our hearts.
Go Broncos!
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Motherhood
After being a mother for two years, I have mentally collected quite a bit of opinions, knowledge, warnings, etc from everyone from my mom, to my sister in law, to my friends, neighbors, the lady in the grocery store and all the women who want to rant in blogs on the internet.
It seems as if a huge shift has transpired over the last 20 or so years. I have never heard mothers complain more than recently. And about everything. It's amazing to me that mothers feel okay with their complaints and how they justify them. When did we become so weak? Our mothers and their mothers and their mothers certainly weren't. And they wouldn't dare complain, regardless of how hard it was.
I remember reading some of the "Scary Mommy" blogs while pregnant with my first and just so sad at how moms complain about pregnancy, about birth, about having a newborn, about having a toddler. Everything I read was negative, no positive comments at all. Good Heavens! Then why did you become a mom?? I was thrilled to become pregnant, I chose to love my pregnancy and growing belly. Then I chose to love my birth, and love my maternity leave...it was blissful to me. And yet, according to some I'm not allowed to be so positive, why? I am still loving my life with my baby who is almost two. And I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my second, and although it's grueling I choose to love this pregnancy and phase of life too.
It's like when some moms actually become moms they want to opt out. Opt out of any discomfort, any change to their lives. Well, darling it doesn't work like that. I chose to embrace it all...pain and intensity during my natural birth, sleeplessness, long days, change of my schedule, I completely embraced motherhood. And sure everyone's situation is different and no I'm not better because of the path I chose, I just figured if I'm going to be a mom, I'm all in. No one said it'd be easy, or comfortable, but it's beyond rewarding. When did mothers become so selfish and "woe is me" that they can't sacrifice themselves, their time, and life to these precious creatures they made? I am hyper aware of what can go wrong in life. Maybe that's because I'm a Christian and I know this physical world is oh so temporary, and pain is inevitable. And it's everywhere...moms losing their babies in utero, moms losing their babies after birth, losing children, husbands, etc.
So tell me again why it's justified to complain about how you got 2 hours of sleep last night? Because for me, I was just happy my baby was healthy and in my arms. I could care less how much sleep I got. I was lucky she was alive and well. It's time for moms to take a step back, get off their podium, their pedestal, and be thankful. Instead of complain, why don't you count your blessings? Or write in a journal, but for Heavens sake the public rants need to stop.
It seems as if a huge shift has transpired over the last 20 or so years. I have never heard mothers complain more than recently. And about everything. It's amazing to me that mothers feel okay with their complaints and how they justify them. When did we become so weak? Our mothers and their mothers and their mothers certainly weren't. And they wouldn't dare complain, regardless of how hard it was.
I remember reading some of the "Scary Mommy" blogs while pregnant with my first and just so sad at how moms complain about pregnancy, about birth, about having a newborn, about having a toddler. Everything I read was negative, no positive comments at all. Good Heavens! Then why did you become a mom?? I was thrilled to become pregnant, I chose to love my pregnancy and growing belly. Then I chose to love my birth, and love my maternity leave...it was blissful to me. And yet, according to some I'm not allowed to be so positive, why? I am still loving my life with my baby who is almost two. And I'm 34 weeks pregnant with my second, and although it's grueling I choose to love this pregnancy and phase of life too.
It's like when some moms actually become moms they want to opt out. Opt out of any discomfort, any change to their lives. Well, darling it doesn't work like that. I chose to embrace it all...pain and intensity during my natural birth, sleeplessness, long days, change of my schedule, I completely embraced motherhood. And sure everyone's situation is different and no I'm not better because of the path I chose, I just figured if I'm going to be a mom, I'm all in. No one said it'd be easy, or comfortable, but it's beyond rewarding. When did mothers become so selfish and "woe is me" that they can't sacrifice themselves, their time, and life to these precious creatures they made? I am hyper aware of what can go wrong in life. Maybe that's because I'm a Christian and I know this physical world is oh so temporary, and pain is inevitable. And it's everywhere...moms losing their babies in utero, moms losing their babies after birth, losing children, husbands, etc.
So tell me again why it's justified to complain about how you got 2 hours of sleep last night? Because for me, I was just happy my baby was healthy and in my arms. I could care less how much sleep I got. I was lucky she was alive and well. It's time for moms to take a step back, get off their podium, their pedestal, and be thankful. Instead of complain, why don't you count your blessings? Or write in a journal, but for Heavens sake the public rants need to stop.
Pardon me dear smoker
This has been on my mind since I was pregnant with my first baby over two years ago. Why is it that in our society today it is more than acceptable to move aside and make room for smokers? Even when study after study after study has been done to show how dangerous smoking is for them, but ahem what about everyone around them? Second-hand smoke can be just as dangerous and yet, we non-smokers are supposed to move for the smokers?? And why because we don't want to hurt their feelings? Come on.
Smoking cigarettes has always hit a sensitive spot for me. My Oma died from lung cancer 20 years ago...and I just never got it. It was the opposite of attractive, cool, or interesting...it was flat out gross. I never tried a cigarette and I'm so glad I can tell my girls that when we have these discussions when they're older.
But what really got under my skin was when I was pregnant and I would have to remove myself from a certain area because people were smoking. Doesn't that seem a little backwards? Why can't the people who are knowingly harming themselves move? Instead of now putting everyone else in danger. Because our society is all about protecting or pardoning those who shouldn't be instead of just standing up and changing it. No...if you want to smoke and die from cancer, you can do that on your own thank you. I and my unborn baby will not be going down with you, nor shall we move from our comfortable spot. You move. You chose this disgusting, harmful habit...so you pay the consequences.
Rant over.
Smoking cigarettes has always hit a sensitive spot for me. My Oma died from lung cancer 20 years ago...and I just never got it. It was the opposite of attractive, cool, or interesting...it was flat out gross. I never tried a cigarette and I'm so glad I can tell my girls that when we have these discussions when they're older.
But what really got under my skin was when I was pregnant and I would have to remove myself from a certain area because people were smoking. Doesn't that seem a little backwards? Why can't the people who are knowingly harming themselves move? Instead of now putting everyone else in danger. Because our society is all about protecting or pardoning those who shouldn't be instead of just standing up and changing it. No...if you want to smoke and die from cancer, you can do that on your own thank you. I and my unborn baby will not be going down with you, nor shall we move from our comfortable spot. You move. You chose this disgusting, harmful habit...so you pay the consequences.
Rant over.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Beyond frustration: "If our oceans die, we die"
My weakest characteristic is my compassion...I love life, I love embracing the beauty God created around me, I pride myself on being an activist, an environmentalist, a recycler, a maintainer of our beautiful planet, a dreamer of goodness and a believer in change...but there are moments when my compassion brings me to my knees with sadness.
Recently, I watched an episode of Whale Wars and was just awestruck at how ruthless these Japanese "Research" whaling ships are. They do not care about our wildlife, they outright shoot a beautiful whale in his head and pull him onboard to cut this poor, precious, amazing animal up into tiny pieces. They call this research?!?!?! By this point, tears are streaming down my face trying to comprehend how anyone can do this, they have no soul, no compassion, no sympathy whatsoever. My sadness and shock quickly turns to utter rage. I quickly looked up the website for this so-called "research organization" and wrote them a very raw, blunt email expressing my feelings. Unfortunately, this email will probably be discarded and never read. The lyrics written by William Corgan in the band, Smashing Pumpkins resonates in my mind..."Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage." I feel helpless.
What do we do when we come to points like this in life? It's times like these I feel incredibly helpless...what can I do to help?? I joke with my husband that if I hadn't met him I would've joined the Whale Wars ship and fought for the lives of whales in Antarctica. But now that I'm married, my heart is torn trying to make a difference in this world. I never feel like I am doing enough. Luckily, I do have a wonderful, supportive, unconditional husband who, during times such as this, he reminds me that I impact everyone around me...every time I choose to recycle, use reusable water bottles instead of purchasing dangerous plastic ones, give back to the community, shop at our local farmer's market, volunteer, donate to charity...I teach those around me to follow suit. Hearing this helps a bit...but my giving heart never feels as if I am doing enough.
On the bright side it seems after six years that the Sea Shepherd and Paul Watson's crew has finally made some progress on ending whaling in Antarctica. After their sixth voyage the Japanese Whaling Ship decided to cut their trip short, complaining that the Sea Shepherd was putting their workers at risk. FINALLY! The Japanese Whaling quota was not met...which means whales were spared. In the gloomy darkness there is always a gleam of hope.
Recently I discovered a new search engine, www.goodsearch.com which works better than any other and will donate money to your charity of choice just by simply doing research! This is the best part of being human, we have the ability to give back to our community, to create change, to make a difference in this world. Join me in vowing to change this planet for the better, to help preserve this Garden of Eden for our future children and grand-children...before it's too late.
xo Lo
Recently, I watched an episode of Whale Wars and was just awestruck at how ruthless these Japanese "Research" whaling ships are. They do not care about our wildlife, they outright shoot a beautiful whale in his head and pull him onboard to cut this poor, precious, amazing animal up into tiny pieces. They call this research?!?!?! By this point, tears are streaming down my face trying to comprehend how anyone can do this, they have no soul, no compassion, no sympathy whatsoever. My sadness and shock quickly turns to utter rage. I quickly looked up the website for this so-called "research organization" and wrote them a very raw, blunt email expressing my feelings. Unfortunately, this email will probably be discarded and never read. The lyrics written by William Corgan in the band, Smashing Pumpkins resonates in my mind..."Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage." I feel helpless.
What do we do when we come to points like this in life? It's times like these I feel incredibly helpless...what can I do to help?? I joke with my husband that if I hadn't met him I would've joined the Whale Wars ship and fought for the lives of whales in Antarctica. But now that I'm married, my heart is torn trying to make a difference in this world. I never feel like I am doing enough. Luckily, I do have a wonderful, supportive, unconditional husband who, during times such as this, he reminds me that I impact everyone around me...every time I choose to recycle, use reusable water bottles instead of purchasing dangerous plastic ones, give back to the community, shop at our local farmer's market, volunteer, donate to charity...I teach those around me to follow suit. Hearing this helps a bit...but my giving heart never feels as if I am doing enough.
On the bright side it seems after six years that the Sea Shepherd and Paul Watson's crew has finally made some progress on ending whaling in Antarctica. After their sixth voyage the Japanese Whaling Ship decided to cut their trip short, complaining that the Sea Shepherd was putting their workers at risk. FINALLY! The Japanese Whaling quota was not met...which means whales were spared. In the gloomy darkness there is always a gleam of hope.
Recently I discovered a new search engine, www.goodsearch.com which works better than any other and will donate money to your charity of choice just by simply doing research! This is the best part of being human, we have the ability to give back to our community, to create change, to make a difference in this world. Join me in vowing to change this planet for the better, to help preserve this Garden of Eden for our future children and grand-children...before it's too late.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Reminders From the Past
I was patiently waiting in line at the DMV office to change my license, (I recently got married), the line was wrapped around the building and there were murmurs saying it would be at least two hours. Thankfully, I didn't have anything else pressing that I needed to do so I came armed with water, a snack, my iPhone and a book.
I was minding my own business playing Words with Friends on my phone when a young couple came and stood behind me in line. I peeked over my phone to see they were both relatively attractive and definitely just graduated high school. I went on to playing my games when they began to converse. I was informed that they were dating and heard the muscle-head boy say, "Yeah we should probably tell as little people as possible, you know just to be safe." The sweet, naive girl responded, "Why can't we tell people we're dating?" My attention to this couple would go in and out but as I'm randomly listening I begin to realize this couple is to my past. It was like looking into a mirror at myself almost 10 years ago with my ex-boyfriend. Oh the things I wish I could tell that innocent, benefit-of-the-doubt, pathetic, sweet, too-forgiving person I was. This pretty girl standing behind me...is me. Instantly, my mind traces back to some of the things my ex used to say to me, they were never flat out mean more like selfish. From the outside we looked like a great couple but on the inside he was only with me to satisfy his own selfish needs and when I couldn't meet those he gladly disappeared.
By this time I had sat in line for about 20 minutes and I hear the boy start to complain that he's wasting his time, there are better things he could be doing and he wants to leave. The girl begins to try to convince him to stay there with her because this is the only time she can renew her driver's license. But the cocky boy doesn't care, what is this doing for him...nothing. I am almost smiling with this realization that their relationship mirrors my relationship with my ex. And then I quickly start to wince when I realize how pathetic, insecure and sad I must have looked to all the people around me. Then the situation becomes even more surreal when I hear the girl say his name, wow the exact same name as my ex. At this point I'm wondering is God trying to tell me something, showing me how much I've grown from that meek girl who couldn't stand up for herself? Maybe.
The next thing I want to do is pull this girl aside and tell her to break up with him, even if she loves him she'll be so much happier with herself. Why do girls feel so desperate to stay with a guy who treats her like crap, who acts like there are better people to hang out with, like she is the lucky one to be with him? Meeting my husband now was the best thing that ever happened to me, he was the first guy to show me what genuine, unconditional, supportive love was.
Another 30 minutes pass and I panic thinking I may not have enough cash to get my new license. I try to look up the cost and realize it is going to be $25 and I only have $20. I have been in this line for over an hour, I can't leave now. So I politely turn around and ask the young couple if I can borrow $5 and pay them back after we leave from the ATM across the street. The boy looks for money in his wallet and the girl immediately offers me a $5 and not to worry about paying her back. The boy is very nice to me which rings even more bells because that is exactly what 'he' used to do to, especially to other, random women. I appreciatively take the money and feel a sense of relief that I'll have enough.
It turns out the renewal was only $11 so I was able to return the unselfishly given $5 back to the sweet girl. After 2 1/2 hours of waiting I got my new license and made my way back to my car. As I drove away I said a little prayer thanking the Lord for guiding me in the right direction and even though it took 8 years for me to realize what a horrible, selfish person that was, the important part is I realized it. I left and I started a life of my own and six months later I met what would be my husband, best friend, partner in crime, my person.
So all you women out there who EVER second guess your relationship, don't think another thought, leave him. If he doesn't make you feel like a magnificent person, who truly cares about your well-being, supports your dreams and makes you laugh...if there are ANY red flags, you need to leave. It'll be hard and you will be lonely but eventually you'll realize that is the best decision you ever made for yourself and your future.
I was minding my own business playing Words with Friends on my phone when a young couple came and stood behind me in line. I peeked over my phone to see they were both relatively attractive and definitely just graduated high school. I went on to playing my games when they began to converse. I was informed that they were dating and heard the muscle-head boy say, "Yeah we should probably tell as little people as possible, you know just to be safe." The sweet, naive girl responded, "Why can't we tell people we're dating?" My attention to this couple would go in and out but as I'm randomly listening I begin to realize this couple is to my past. It was like looking into a mirror at myself almost 10 years ago with my ex-boyfriend. Oh the things I wish I could tell that innocent, benefit-of-the-doubt, pathetic, sweet, too-forgiving person I was. This pretty girl standing behind me...is me. Instantly, my mind traces back to some of the things my ex used to say to me, they were never flat out mean more like selfish. From the outside we looked like a great couple but on the inside he was only with me to satisfy his own selfish needs and when I couldn't meet those he gladly disappeared.
By this time I had sat in line for about 20 minutes and I hear the boy start to complain that he's wasting his time, there are better things he could be doing and he wants to leave. The girl begins to try to convince him to stay there with her because this is the only time she can renew her driver's license. But the cocky boy doesn't care, what is this doing for him...nothing. I am almost smiling with this realization that their relationship mirrors my relationship with my ex. And then I quickly start to wince when I realize how pathetic, insecure and sad I must have looked to all the people around me. Then the situation becomes even more surreal when I hear the girl say his name, wow the exact same name as my ex. At this point I'm wondering is God trying to tell me something, showing me how much I've grown from that meek girl who couldn't stand up for herself? Maybe.
The next thing I want to do is pull this girl aside and tell her to break up with him, even if she loves him she'll be so much happier with herself. Why do girls feel so desperate to stay with a guy who treats her like crap, who acts like there are better people to hang out with, like she is the lucky one to be with him? Meeting my husband now was the best thing that ever happened to me, he was the first guy to show me what genuine, unconditional, supportive love was.
Another 30 minutes pass and I panic thinking I may not have enough cash to get my new license. I try to look up the cost and realize it is going to be $25 and I only have $20. I have been in this line for over an hour, I can't leave now. So I politely turn around and ask the young couple if I can borrow $5 and pay them back after we leave from the ATM across the street. The boy looks for money in his wallet and the girl immediately offers me a $5 and not to worry about paying her back. The boy is very nice to me which rings even more bells because that is exactly what 'he' used to do to, especially to other, random women. I appreciatively take the money and feel a sense of relief that I'll have enough.
It turns out the renewal was only $11 so I was able to return the unselfishly given $5 back to the sweet girl. After 2 1/2 hours of waiting I got my new license and made my way back to my car. As I drove away I said a little prayer thanking the Lord for guiding me in the right direction and even though it took 8 years for me to realize what a horrible, selfish person that was, the important part is I realized it. I left and I started a life of my own and six months later I met what would be my husband, best friend, partner in crime, my person.
So all you women out there who EVER second guess your relationship, don't think another thought, leave him. If he doesn't make you feel like a magnificent person, who truly cares about your well-being, supports your dreams and makes you laugh...if there are ANY red flags, you need to leave. It'll be hard and you will be lonely but eventually you'll realize that is the best decision you ever made for yourself and your future.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
There's a fire starting in my heart
Everyday I walk around with an open-mind (well I try) to understand people. Some days I am a big fan of people, other days I want to crawl under my covers and wait out for the day to end. It's amazing to me that with all the technology, knowledge, creativity, versatility and hardwork that we have obtained since America was inhabited we are still having issues with easily avoidable problems. Like obesity, allergies, teen pregnancy, pollution, starvation. With all the people who have millions or billions of dollars, why do we have countries who can't even drink fresh water? Or sleep on a bed?
America is supposed to be the land of the free, the place where for centuries people sold everything they owned to travel across the Atlantic Ocean to take part in this "free" country. The place where our forefathers took pride in the land we created. The new start to a new way of living, a healthful, happy, free way of life. What has happened now? Are we free? After watching the eye-opening documentaries Food, Inc. and Tapped. I certainly did not feel free. I felt deceived, I felt suffocated, I felt enraged that our government was allowed to hide valuable information from us.
So that beef you cooked last night...did you know it was not only doped up on hormones, covered in feces and lived a miserable life but was then slaughtered and thrown into ammonia to avoid E. Coli? But the FDA does not feel it is necessary to tell you that information. Hm...does that bother anyone? So if they aren't telling us that they are throwing a chemical we keep locked away from our children under the sink into our food...what else do you think they are hiding? If we do not stand up and fight for our rights as free Americans our country is quickly going to become a socialist, totalitarian country where we have no rights. They'll brainwash us into thinking everything is right but it will not be...anyone remember reading 1984 in school? If we do not encourage each other to speak up against this idiocracy we will lose this war.
A fire has certainly started in my heart. Hopefully after reading this one has started in yours. Write your mayor, your congressman, your state representative...demand healthy food in schools, demand to know what is being put into our food, demand against hormones or abusing animals and abusing the people who work in the meat-packing companies. Demand justice. Demand the truth.
America is supposed to be the land of the free, the place where for centuries people sold everything they owned to travel across the Atlantic Ocean to take part in this "free" country. The place where our forefathers took pride in the land we created. The new start to a new way of living, a healthful, happy, free way of life. What has happened now? Are we free? After watching the eye-opening documentaries Food, Inc. and Tapped. I certainly did not feel free. I felt deceived, I felt suffocated, I felt enraged that our government was allowed to hide valuable information from us.
So that beef you cooked last night...did you know it was not only doped up on hormones, covered in feces and lived a miserable life but was then slaughtered and thrown into ammonia to avoid E. Coli? But the FDA does not feel it is necessary to tell you that information. Hm...does that bother anyone? So if they aren't telling us that they are throwing a chemical we keep locked away from our children under the sink into our food...what else do you think they are hiding? If we do not stand up and fight for our rights as free Americans our country is quickly going to become a socialist, totalitarian country where we have no rights. They'll brainwash us into thinking everything is right but it will not be...anyone remember reading 1984 in school? If we do not encourage each other to speak up against this idiocracy we will lose this war.
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